lovely girlie 2

 She liked this too. We used to play ‘hunt the squeaker and ball’ on a rainy day to this music...(Ennio Morricone -On Earth as it is in Heaven -from “The Mission”)

You passed away at the full moon.

I endure the days. You were all I had, but I have to live. My house, at first empty and frightening (no-one visits now) is changing…

It’s strange…I shouldn’t, but I want to go back there, even though your bed has no occupant, the rooms still seem filled with you. When I open the doors, there is love. All around, sunk into every stone, every fibre, everywhere I walk there is love. The house remembers you, and I remember you for love can never die. Although I know you are very far away, my love can never die. It hangs, like a perfume in our home. I still cry, but at the centre of my tears there is an essence of you. Something still living. It’s in my heart and memory, that’s all. But I’ll carry you with me there.

I will remember you every day. I will remember what you brought me.

The moon wanes, is re-born, waxes again. On July 6th in the early evening, for the first time, I’m able to concentrate on something, and am absorbed in a video, a veterinary program about farm animals….when something happens. Something which shifts my whole axis.

I am suddenly and unexpectedly flooded with a wave of affection and greeting. I am lifted, changed, lit up, and overwhelmed.

“It’s you! How can it be you?”

But unmistakably, it is Misty’s energy and life and character! With me in the room, making me laugh, making me stretch out my arms so I can almost touch her, almost smell the honey-scent of her.

For about ten minutes, she stays with me. The feeling is a huge cuddle-up, exactly like the ones we shared, dog’s heart to woman’s heart, a glow of love. This is a real, living thing, not a hallucination, or a wish, or even my own grief or love…it’s her.

Slowly, she fades. I don’t know where to. But she lives. She still lives!

I know this is a blessing. I have been given this to know she is safe, well,  is healed, restored, and still alive, though in another dimension. I hoped she might exist after death -somehow, somewhere. But this…I did not expect.

Advertisements